Trauma happens to other people, not me
Interview with a veteran and PTSD experience expert
Melvin van Geffen is a veteran and works as an experience expert for ARQ Centrum'45. At the age of eighteen he opted for a military career. That really affected him. Now he helps others with psychological complaints and that gives him great satisfaction.
Melvin went on missions twice, to Kosovo and Iraq. “I contracted PTSD and that made me unfit for further service. I managed to put it off for a very long time before I faced my PTSD myself. When I was in treatment, I quickly pretended to be ‘better’ again. It’s only since I did high-intensity trauma therapy (HITT) at ARQ Centrum'45 that things have actually been looking up. When I was invited to follow the training to become an experience expert, I wanted to do my internship at ARQ. And I think it’s great to actually work here now.”
"I thought it was really cool, but I had no idea what to expect."
Deployments to Kosovo and Iraq
“On my first deployment – to Kosovo – I was 19. I thought it was really cool, but had no idea what to expect. We went there to keep the peace. It did not go without a hitch. Then you see the other side of the world.
When I was 25, we were supposed to go to Bosnia. I was trained for a specialist position in the military ME. Out of the blue, we heard: you aren’t going to Bosnia but to Iraq. A week later we were there. That was a rapid change of events, a crash course on Iraq. When we got there, they didn’t really know we were coming and what we were doing. Then you start doing things you aren’t there to do.
The first deployment did something to me. The second deployment was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Normally you have a few days to acclimate in Cyprus after deployment. But after Kosovo, we went straight to the Netherlands from Skopje after six and a half months. We also had to go straight back from Iraq.
For a long time I didn’t acknowledge that something was wrong with me. I never talked about what happened in Iraq and what we did. At home they noticed: Melvin isn’t completely present. I was very alert. Some segments of the population – who outwardly resembled the people of Iraq – triggered me. The fact that I started seeking help was initially for my environment. That’s where I went wrong.”
No more time to put it aside
“I started with the military mental health service with an hour of EMDR a week. I didn’t really see the point in that. Soon I claimed that my fuse was getting longer again and that I was sleeping better. I did that to get rid of them. Muddling along, things went from bad to worse. Until in 2008 – four years after Iraq – I had a major flashback. I went missing. Friends and family found me somewhere in the bushes, in shooting position. I was ‘back in Iraq’. They already knew something was wrong with me. But I thought I was the tough, strong soldier. Trauma happens to other people, not me.
In 2014 Melvin was done with everything. He had already written farewell letters. “They got there just in time. After that, the doctor wanted to see me every week, especially to see if I was still present. The regional mental health services didn’t know what to do with a veteran. I was voluntarily admitted to an outpatient clinic in Utrecht. There I received all kinds of treatments: BEPP, NET and finally – at ARQ – HITT. In Oegstgeest I was admitted and received EMDR twice a day. There was no more time to put it aside. Then the puzzle came together and I finally accepted it.”
"The training has been a recovery process for me. When I started it, I was still that soldier."
Experience expert
“Through my social worker, I started training as an experience expert at the MBO4 Zadkine in Rotterdam. Of course, I had enough experience. But I still had to learn something: conversation, psychology, how best to share your own story and reporting. The training is mainly aimed at people from addiction care; I was the first veteran.” Melvin is now a ‘personal supervisor for specific target groups’. “At ARQ Centrum'45, I am deployed for the entire group with occupational trauma. Besides veterans, these are also police officers, ambulance staff and firefighters. One look is enough. They know that with me: ‘I’m not alone here’.”
Melvin is still dealing with residual symptoms of PTSD. “The training has been a recovery process for me. When I started it, I was still that soldier. During my internship at ARQ Centrum'45 my supervisor said: ‘but who are you, who is Melvin as a person?’ That’s what I went to find out. In doing so, I have found myself. I get complete support from my colleagues. I can vent to anyone, especially my manager. The work I do now gives me so much energy. My path has led here and I’m glad it went this way.”